I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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