Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
