just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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