just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
