Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
