I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
