If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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