i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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