i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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