dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
