The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
