That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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