I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
