So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
