Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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