If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
