I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
