If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
