he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
