i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
