Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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