ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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