so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
