My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
