My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
