I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
