I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
