people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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