he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
