It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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