her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
