Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
