I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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