Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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