And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
