Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
