based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
