Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
