the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
