Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
