Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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