She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
