3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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