Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
