No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
