if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
