You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
