Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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