i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
