I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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