i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
