He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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